What am I doing?


Honestly, I don’t know anymore.  I missed two self-imposed deadlines before I left on vacation and now the writing muse has decided to be on vacation.

I really thought at one point, I had it all figured out when it came to writing.  Unfortunately, I don’t.  Sad thing is, I don’t think I ever will.  People tell me that I’m a good writer and while that is nice to hear, getting the words on the paper are a completely different thing.

I’ve been told that my reviews, blog posts and musings are insightful, informative, sometimes funny but above all, well written.  I used to envy authors that got up before everyone else to write.  Or write after everyone had gone to bed.  That doesn’t work for me or my family.

My husband is the breadwinner in the family and I only work when school is in session.  Most of the year, I work every single day.  I love it but it pushes my writing to the back.  I have a child too that I help with homework, deal with his activities and such; plus, the hubby, too.  My wants and needs are pushed to the side for the most part.

Do I feel slighted?  Not really.  I would do anything for my family but there are times when I just need a break.  That break usually comes in the form of another book to review for the blog.  Sadly, I have to report, that too is coming to a close.

Did I write this post for everyone to fell sorry for me?  Nope, this is my life and to explain to all the good people that actually follow this blog to know what’s going on with me.

Hopefully, the writing muse will come back to me.  It’s not writer’s block.  My head is trying to tell me the story but I lack the motivation to actually type it out.

One of the biggest things for me as a writer is accountability.  I’m not accountable to anyone.  My family doesn’t encourage or discourage my writing life.  It’s an afterthought for them.  I wrote one thing and that’s it.  No one has ever encouraged me to write more.  Fellow authors don’t hold me accountable either.  All I ever hear from them is to WRITE!

As a reviewer, when my story came out in 2012, most blog sites wouldn’t touch it.  Some reviewers flat out refused to even read it.  Some laughed at me.  And some still do.  To be rejected from my own community hurt and still does to this day.  In fact, some bloggers I have NO further contact with because of it.  Some bloggers/reviewers have made successful careers from blogging to published author.  These are the people that I truly envy.  But here’s the thing, they had support from other bloggers, reviewers and yes, even authors.  Hell, even I supported them.  Me…not at all.  In fact, I had some authors read it and tell me to NEVER publish it.  It sucked, I should stick to reviewing.  So, there’s that…

Maybe I lack the conviction to keep writing.  I’m not sure anymore. Rejection does hurt and I overcame it but I can’t forget it.   Right now, I have school starting in 3 weeks, one more family reunion and a computer monitor to replace.  Oh and tires to replace on a Tahoe.

If you are so inclined, I’ve included the link to my Flash Fiction piece I wrote at the beginning of the month for a publisher.

Flash Fiction Link

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